my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
My brain says no but my pants say off.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Randomize
