Well apparently he's into motor boating.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
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