Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
