I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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