So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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