I wish they made helmets for livers.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
