you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
