It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Randomize
