This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
