Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Randomize
