We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
