okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
Mom said you looked used
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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