I like to think it a success when the cops are called
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
