Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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