I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Randomize
