My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
