Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I am naked and annoyed.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
