good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
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