For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
I can't put those talents on a resume
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
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