You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
