eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Randomize
