I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
