I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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