Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Randomize
