My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
