good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Randomize
