I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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