and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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