i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
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