i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
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