Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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