Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Randomize
