Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
