Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
Randomize
