im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
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