I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
