The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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