he told me I talked like a deaf person
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
