I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
