She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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