I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
