my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
