I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Randomize
