I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Randomize
