do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Randomize
