It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Randomize
