I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
