i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
No stitches, just platelets and will power
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Randomize
