so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Randomize
