AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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