so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
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