so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
