He disabled his match.com account in front of me
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Randomize
