the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize
