'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize