I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize
