Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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