Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Randomize
