I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
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