If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
