bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Randomize
