i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
We are all done wearing pants today
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize