I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
