tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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