Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
You brought string cheese to the strip club
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Randomize
