Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Randomize
