brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Randomize
