I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
