Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Randomize
