I like my sex mixed with concussions.
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
did i walk over a car last night?
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
