He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
