3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
