I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Randomize
