Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
