yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
