I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
