If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
Randomize
