Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
Randomize
