I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Rumble strips road head = magical
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Randomize
