You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
