is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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